Well, I’m home.
I’ve been home for almost 2 months now. I
feel very confused about how the time has passed.Ever since I got back from India, it has
been a very crazy rollercoaster.I guess to help you all out, I should start
at the beginning, the new beginning of this adventure.
When I first got back to Aus on the 3rd
of December, it was very hard. It felt as if I had been pushed from one life to
another, one person into the next. It was a whole new perspective on life than
India, and I was engulfed by it the moment I got of the plane. It made looking
back difficult, as if it all were covered by fog. All my memories, friends,
people and places became jumbled up. It had been crystal clear what felt like a
moment ago.
I also feel that once I got back to Aus, my
life became so much more boring. I spent most of my time with 5 people I know,
my family. That will change when I go back to school but I get the feeling that
it probably won’t. It’s because I got the impression that everyone was so much
closer at KIS than at Carey. At KIS you virtually live with your peers, you
depend and trust them. While at Carey, they are your friends but you don’t
depend on them as much.
At this time when I look back on the
previous year in my mind it is a very strange picture. I have this misty blank
in the middle, which was my time in India. But when I consider it from my
feelings perspective, India is a bright array of emotion. You can’t put into
words how I feel inside about India, but that is a vague picture of its
significance to me.
Now that I am separated from KIS, I
definitely feel that a part inside of me has died. That part had more activity
in my life than possibly ever before, but now that I have returned it feels
like it is no use and been discarded. There is a hole inside me, I don’t know
where and I don’t know how to fill it. It
is something I need. Something that shows my purpose and joy in life, because
at the moment I have lost that joy which I had at KIS.
And what have I gained by coming back
‘home’? I ask myself that question everyday. It is another question that
remains unanswered.
What has God got planned for me here? Am I
even following his path? Questions with answers that were so obvious to me in
India, but now are left blank. At this time I feel so unsure about anything. Even
school, I am trying to find its purpose, because here that all that feels
important.
Perhaps it’s just that I am so uncomfortable
with the idea of school now after spending 5 months at a school where my
academia didn’t matter. Once I’ve been there, it’s had to go back to reality.
Yet back to reality I am. But I don’t want
it to be that way. I can’t let India fade into a dream state but remember all
the joy and good time I had with all the amazing people. I spent 5 of the best
months in my life there, and I should never let that go.
We shall see if normality does fade my
memory of India, but in the meantime I wish to hold onto those memories, and
keep trying to find my path.
Once again I’d like to thank everyone at
KIS for their support and care. Also to anyone back home who followed my
journey and took care of me in spirit or in deed.
I’d like to keep this blog a live, because
it now does the reverse role that it was first intended. I hope to keep people
at Kodai informed about my life and hope that they do likewise with me. I’ve
also found this blog to assist me in getting over my personal hurdles in life
which is vital.
I hope to see you again,
Ash
